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Cap Ancestor Funnies
Cap Ancestor Funnies is a comedy fanfiction by Japanlover86 about the Cap children and their ancestors in humorous situations. Chapter 1: Shuya attempting to speak English "Herr-----" A Japanese man looked in the mirror, he was getting agitated. How the f*** can I communicate with the English-speaking vigintuplets if I don't even speak it!, He thought 20 kids, his great-great grandchildren entered the room "Ojichan-Shuya? What are you doing?" Tariko asked him " (Trying to speak English)" He answered He may have been a stubborn wisecracking jacka**, but he did love his great-great grandchildrenn, "How are yuu?-----" He tried, reading from an English dictionary. Chapter 2: Cuong taking his great-nephews and nieces to school, without a shirt on. It was a very warm day in Manhattan, Cuong was sleeping in the living room, only in boxer shorts, then Bao entered the room. "Uncle Cuong?, Mom said that you have to take me and my siblings to school." He said to him He got up immediately, the Vietnamese vigintuplets were already for school, He out on a pair of jeans "Are you gonna put a shirt on?" He asked his great-uncle " (Nah, It's like 40 degrees outside)" he said, He got Bao on his back, who held on to his shoulders The other Vigintuplets followed him by foot, their school wasn't too far. As they walked, female onlookers looked duly impressed, one of them women even winked at Cuong as he passed by, he was slim and slender, yet fit and muscular, some teenage girls were talking how much he resembled a J-rock star. "He looks like that J-rock star that starred in a WWII film!" One of them said. "He's hot, what country is he from?" the other said "Probably Vietnam." The other girl said to her friend. "Nice abs......" The same girl whispered to her friend. Cuong turned his head to Bao " (Bao?)" He turned his head to Bao "Hm?" The boy responded " (I'm kind of hungry)" he said to his great-nephew. "Why didn't you have breakfast, you keep doing that, you just have to wait!" Bao said " (Fine)" he said, he often forgot to eat breakfast due to him not waking up until 8:00am As they got to the school the Vietnamese vigintuplets go to, a female teacher went up to them. "Hey, you are?" The teacher said " (Uncle of these twenty)" Cuong he said, he had to hide that he was their great-uncle, as Marci told him. "I'm sorry, but, only the parents can drop their child off from school due to stranger danger and child protection." The teacher said "What......the....f***......" Cuong said in English, rather poor due to his accent. "You cannot mark them in." The teacher said " (I had to get my a** out of bed then drop my nieces and nephews off to find out their school doesn't let their other family members into the d*** school!)" Cuong yelled. Cuong really didn't like the rule, since when a relative, such as an uncle, was a stranger and a child protection safety breach? "That's not the only thing, our school is basically a nanny state, they ban handhelds because "It's a negative effect and impact on children" and claim they are 'anti-social', threatens to call police if they find out the child plays violent video games, and they banned the Vietnamese flag on out bags because fears it could be a "gang symbol"." Kim explained. " (D***)" Cuong said, he never knew that his descendant's school was such a nanny state. Cuong then turned his head back to the teacher. " (Look, All I am here is to drop them off! Their mother told me I should do it!)" Cuong was getting agitated at the female teacher. The Vietnamese Vigintuplets got in without Cuong, who was still arguing with the female teacher outside, a few hours later, they were still arguing. Cuong glared at the woman, then he heard a loud sound reaching his ears, he put a hand on his midsection, finally realising the sound was his own stomach. " (For Buddha's sake, I am starving, I didn't eat breakfast, come, the, h***, on!)" Cuong said. " (I am not even going to touch their classmate, are you suggesting all people that aren't the parents that drop off their kids to school are strangers and pedophiles?!)" Cuong yelled. Cuong was sick of this, he was tired, hungry, and really wanted to go home. "No, you cannot enter the school over child protection." She said " (Look, I'm starving and barely slept all night due to one of my friends playing Scottish music all night)" Cuong said, starting to get cranky. "No---" She said before she was cut off. " (That's it!)" Cuong yelled as he pushed the teacher out of the way. He then went to the registration and signed his descendants in. " (One of the harpies wouldn't let me in, I wasted 4 hours talking to her)" Cuong told the receptionist, then left without answering her, then walked back to the manor Hunger was really beginning to affect him, he got sometimes cranky when hungry. He walked slowly, women were still looking at him, duly impressed, whom he ignored. When he got there, he found out the mansion was locked. " (For Buddha's sake!)" Cuong said. He then sat down. " (I'm starving.......)" He said quietly to himself. It was also kind of cold, since he wasn't wearing a shirt, he shivered. Then he heard a door unlock open, he recognised the woman, Jane. "Hey, Cuong! Come in side, Shuya's making sushi!" Jane said Cuong got up and followed her inside, he was starving by that point, delayed by 4 hours due to that nanny state teacher. "You hungry?" Jane asked Cuong. A low rumbling sound reached their ears, Cuong covered his midsection and grimaced. "I'll take that as a yes." Jane said, finally realising the sound. They joined the other ghosts in the large living room, where the other ghosts waited. Cuong really liked the living room, he enjoyed watching television, especially Vietnam War documentaries, he even tolerated the babies watching their shows and the younger children watching Postman Pat and Yo-Kai Watch, and even Shuya watching porn or violent anime. He waited patiently and then Shuya came in to the room, and gave 10 sushi each out to everyone. Cuong ate his very patiently, even though he was starving and tempted to gobble it down like a maniac, but stayed calm. " (More please)" Cuong said to Shuya. " (10 pieces of sushi and you're still hungry.....)" Shuya said, sounding impressed. It took at least 40 pieces of sushi until Cuong decided he was finally full, he went back upstairs. Chapter 3: Arthur Gets Pranked Chapter 4: Missing Gold Chain "Have any of you seen my gold chain necklace?" Marci said to the ghosts They nodded their heads, meaning no, but Shuya was clutching his stomach in pain. "Shu, you okay, are you hungry or anything?" Marci said " (Marci....my stomach hurts......)" Shuya moaned. Marci felt around his stomach, which seemed to soothe the pains, then helped him up to go to the family doctor's room Shuya lied back, he unbuttoned his coat and undershirt. "He's saying his stomach hurts, I don't know if it's food poisoning or a stomach bug." She said The elderly woman touched Shuya's abdomen, her hands were freezing, making Shuya wince a little She then hit an X-Ray and scanned his entire digestive tract. When the X-Ray was printed, she looked at it "There is a gold chain in your stomach, I don't know how it got in there." She said " (I think I was eating Cocoa Puffs when I swallowed the chain)" Shuya said "We will perform surgery right away, Mrs Cap." She said to Marci Shuya was put under anesthesia, he fell asleep. The doctors surrounded the shirtless Japanese man, one of them made an incision on the abdomen, then peeled the skin back, he then cut the stomach organ open and peeled the walls back to find the gold chain, he used pliers to get the gold chain out, then a female nurse stitched back the incision made and cleaned any blood that got on him. They then put him in a hospital bed. Two days later, his stitches were removed and he was discharged and took the gold chain to give it to Marci. "The necklace has survived being dissolved by your stomach acid, that's impressive." One of the doctors said Shuya nodded as he gave the necklace to Marci. " (It has been disinfected and cleaned)" Shuya said. Chapter 5: Sha-min gets locked in a closet with Yong-ku Sha-min put away then Dennis shoved him and Yong-ku in the closet as a prank, it has been few hours. "I really wish there was light in here....." Sha-min said " (Oh, shut up!)" Yong-ku yelled, then had a thought. " (I have a backlight on my watch)" Yong-ku said. Yong-ku turned on the backlight on his watch. " (8:30 pm, we completely missed dinner)" Yong-ku said calmly "Oh my f***ing Juche, I'm so f***ing hungry!" Sha-min yelled, clutching his stomach. " (Shut up, I'm just as hungry as you are!)" Yong-ku said. Sha-min tried to punch him, but was challenged by his stomach. "F***! It's hurts like h***!" Sha-min yelled. Yong-ku tried to kick the door down, but no avail. " (Looks like we are sleeping here to night)" Yong-ku said. "F***." Sha-min said. The two men got to sleep soon enough, even though both were starving by then. "Will our descendants find us?" Sha-min said. Yong-ku nodded. Chapter 6: Trick or Treaters at the door. The Ghosts were the only ones in today, Shuya was playing Call of Duty: Black Ops, Cuong was sleeping without a shirt on, Jane was making food for her fellow ghosts and Aayliah was reading the Qu'ran with Sarah watching her, Cho-ying was watching a Anti-Japanese Chinese drama with the Korean ancestors, Scotty and Arthur were talking to Arkadi. " (Who knew humanity was so dumb to make this?)" Cho-Ying said, clearly disgusted with China because of its indoctrinination from young children to fully grown adults. Yong-ku and Sha-min nodded in agreement. Even though Cho-Ying was Chinese, she really hated Anti-Japanese WWII dramas and movies her home country makes, not because she loves Shuya, the reason is that she thinks they have the same plot over and over again and preferred movies outside of China. Cuong was asleep shirtless on the couch, in his head was a nón lá, which was a Vietnamese conical hat, he spent the entire Halloween day watching Family Guy and reacting to Boku No Pico as a challenge by Shuya, with hilarious results, and eating most of the Halloween candy Marci has set out hours prior alongside Sha-min, Arkadi and Shuya, the result was Sha-min and Arkadi having upset stomachs and vomiting from overeating, Shuya getting painful stomach cramps from overeating, while Cuong didn't seem to be affected, but all seemed to recover and no weight was gained, much like the others, when Jane was finished cooking, she sat down beside Cuong, she loved it when he slept, she gently traced her finger around his abdomen, causing him to wince in his sleep. They heard a door bell, Cuong got up. "Shuya, get the door." Cuong said in English " (Aw, but do I have to? I'm killing North Vietnamese soldiers at the moment and Game of Thrones is about to start)" Shuya said. " (It's payback for making me watch that child porn anime)" Cuong said, shuddering at that awful show. Shuya got up and went to the door. "Trick or treat!" said two twin boys dressed as Batman and Superman. " (Oh god no, Jane, how do I handle annoying trick-or-treaters?)" Shuya said, remembering that he and a few others ate most of the Halloween candy, which was still digesting inside him hours later after gorging himself. Shuya, secondly, ate the most of the candy, after he finished, he got an upset stomach and it was cramping, Cho-Ying rubbed his abdomen, which kind of helped a lot because of her soft touch. All of the 50 ghosts absoutely hates trick-or-treaters at the Cap manor, even Jane hated it. "Let me, I know many things..." Scotty said. Shuya went back indoors. "I cannae give ya lads candy." Scotty said in his thick Scottish accent. "Why?" One of the boys said "Because I'M THE KING O' SCOTLAAAAAND! NOW F*** AFF OR FACE ME WRATH!" Scotty yelled, trying to hold back a grin. Scotty slammed the door. The ghosts roared with laughter, Cuong and Jane were laughing pretty hysterically, Jane was on Cuong's chest while slamming her fist into his stomach, but he was laughing too hard to be in pain. Cho-Ying giggled underneath her hand, Shuya fell over and was laughing too hard to notice his character he was playing got killed, Arthur was the only one who wasn't laughing, but managed to crack a smile. " (Buddha.....Scotty....)" Cuong said between laughs his stomach hurt from laughing too hard, he ended up hiccuping, the others all managed to calm down. The ghost Viet Cong soldier had calmed down and breathed in and out to regain his breath. " (This is even funnier than watching Cuong take his shirt off infront of female Viet Cong soldiers, lots of girls fainted)" Shuya said. " (What, HOW DID YOU KNOW?!)" Cuong yelled. " (Lots of females saw it, how the f*** did you retain that build even though you generally starved yourself for a bout 1-2 weeks once in every f***ing month when you were fighting for the Communist side, How, how did you do it?)" Shuya said. " (I was one h*** of a runner and I had a strong metobalism, and one US marine said this, his exact words "For some Vietnamese guy who doesn't eat anything or very often, he does have one heck of a slender muscular build!", because I had to eat berries, sometimes, I have to check if they are poisonous by giving them to captured US prisoners, But they were apples, which are f***ing awesome)" Cuong said Then Shuya walked up to Scotty. " (Thanks man, if we told them some of us ate all of the candy, they would probably get their parents to scar us for life)" Shuya said. "How can such a small 5'2 man hold that much sweets?" Scotty asked him, referring to Shuya himself. " (Try telling that to Cuong, he's around 5'6 and he ate a f***ton and still retained a slender yet muscular build)" Shuya said. Chapter 7: Scottish Peppa Pig. Cuong was sitting next to Scotty, he was watching something funny on YouTube, " (Why are you watching Peppa Pig, aren't you like, 45 years old?)" Cuong said. "No, no, Viet, it's this hilarious thing where they voice over the characters, but in Scottish accents, it's so funny!" Scotty said. Scotty nicknamed Cuong "Viet", it could mean many things, Viet Cong, Vietnam, the name Viet, or other meanings, but he didn't really know, but the meaning was that Cuong was from Vietnam, and Viet was short for Vietnam. Scotty reminded the video, Cuong leaned in to see it. Cuong never believed what he just saw. He saw the Peppa Pig characters, speaking in Scottish accents and cussing, he tried back to hold a grin. "You know it's funny." Scotty said. He lost it at the bicycle down the hill scene, Cuong burst out laughing. " (Oh my Buddha! This is comedy gold, Shuya, Jane, Sarah, Aayliah, Yong-ku, and Sha-min really need to see this!)" Cuong said while laughing hysterically. Jane sat down next to him, reading a graphic novel about Ireland. "Jane, need to see this!" Cuong said Chapter 8: Parades in the Republic of Ireland. Cuong and Jane decided to go to a parade in the Republic of Ireland, likely an Easter Rising parade. Cuong was shirtless due to the 22°C weather, and only wore a pair of jeans, revealing his skinny but muscular frame, he was eating a bar of chocolate that he brought from Heatons, which was probably his fifth or sixth one, he wasn't sure. "That's your fifth bar, you must have the stomach capacity of an oil tanker, you ate 5 chocolate bars and you didn't even gain a single pound yet, how do you even do it?" She said. "I can run for hours." Cuong said. "You ate five chocolate bars and you're still sexy as h***?" Jane said with such suprise. "I know." Cuong replied in English. Even though Cuong could eat many foods beyond the human limit, he had his, he was full after the fifth bar because of the content inside chocolate, he could run for hours and hours, keeping his slender form. There was a bigoted 16-year old that had brown hair in the crowds, he got a megaphone and went on a tirade. "IRISHMEN IN THE BRITISH ARMY ARE F***ING TRAITORS! ONLY CATHOLICS SHOULD LIVE IN IRELAND! NO TRUE IRISHMEN FIGHTS FOR THE BRITISH! BURN ALL POPPIES! KILL ALL HUNS!" He shouted. People looked and glared at him, whispering things like "Stupid kid.", "Hasn't he read any of the Proclamation?", and "Aren't we at peace now?" Jane went up to him. "Kid, For the love of Pearse, SHUT THE F*** UP." She said, and smacked him in the face. "I want Ireland to be free!" He said. "Look, both Irelands can't afford it and the upper north is too poor to be reunited." She said. "YOU STUPID HUN!" He shouted. "I am a Catholic, you dumb brat!" She said. Cuong went up to her, he licked remains of chocolate off his face and wiped his face using a baby wipe. "Hey, you should only marry Irish Catholics." He said, noticing Cuong. "Why?" She said "He's a c***k, why marry him?" He yelled and asked. "At least he cares for me." She said. " (You should be put in a concentration camp)" Cuong said. "Huns should be put in a concentration camp, they stole our land, you are all unpatriotic!" He said. "What has your parents been teaching you?, yes, Protestants did steal the rich land owned by Catholics, but it is time to move on, so, by saying all Protestants should die in Ireland, so, you are wishing Tom Clarke and Wolfe Tone weren't born, James Connolly, Joseph Plunkett. Thomas MacDonagh should never been married, and if you wished all the English that lived here dead, why were Patrick and Willie Pearse were born and are now national heroes?, my mother taught me hating people because of the community they were brought up in is wrong." She said. "We want our country back! UP THE RA!" He shouted. Jane couldn't take anymore, and smacked in the face. "That will teach you not to praise the Provisional IRA infront of my face!" She angrily said. The boy's mother went up to Jane and Cuong. "I'm so sorry! He's a member of Na Fianna, and he's now picking up racist attitude, he was indoctrinated to believe the Irish are better than any of the other races and that all Protestants should die, I'm so sorry, that's not all, he refused to let me give his older brother, Joe, his great-great-great grandfather's British Army medals and that he was traitor." She explained. "HE IS!" He shouted. An Irish Army soldier went up to him. "Lad, stop that, your behavior is not an excuse for this treatment, your great-great-great grandfather is not a traitor, not every Catholic is going to grow up to fight for the Irish, some can join the British Army, some the Irish, not every Irish person is "perfect"." He said. "No! THE PERFECT IRISH ARE THOSE WHO HATE THE QUEEN AND THE ROYAL FAMILY, FIGHT FOR IRISH REPUBLICANISM, ARE FULL IRISH WITH IRISH ACCENTS, SUPPORT THE IRA, HATE THE HUNS, AND THEY WANT TO GET THE BRITS OUT!" He shouted. Cuong punched him. "Haven't you read the Proclamation lately? The seven had traits that you would never find in an IRA man of the 80's, James Connolly had a Scottish accent, Joseph Plunkett was educated in England and many parts of Medittarian and was brought in a rich family, which is rare among Catholics, and his surname was a Norman surname, Tom Clarke's dad was a British Army soldier stationed in the Isle of Wright, Patrck Pearse was part-English, Thomas MacDonagh loved English culture, and ome of the people they married were of Protestant religion, Éamonn Ceannat's actual name is Edward Kent, with the latter translated into the Irish language, it sounds a little "British" if you ask me, Seán had to walk with a cane due to polio." She said "You are unpatriotic!" He said. "My grandfathers fought for the anti-Treaty IRA of the 20's and the Irish Volunteers, but, my mother wanted me to become a peaceful person who respected both sides, she taught me hating old enemies was wrong, and there should be forgiveness, one of my great-uncles, he fought for the British instead because my family decided it should be their choice if they wanted to fight for the British or the Irish, was in a Japanese POW camp during WWII, but he survived, and he took on the Catholic religion, which taught him to forgive his captors, and I was taught I should forgive them too, I met one of them, and he told me why my uncle forgave him, and his answer was "God in heaven."." She said. "Your great-uncle is a traitor!" He said. Cuong pushed him to the floor. "I want you, shut up and f***ing for once in life, what British soldiers did, very awful, times have changed, like Vietnam and U.S." He said in his poor English. "I'm sorry, I don't understand Vietnamese-accented Engrish." he said in a rude manner, promoting him to smack the boy in the face. "First language, Vietnamese, dumba** kid." the Vietnamese man said in his broken English. "Oh, go out a shirt on, no one wants to see your Ken doll body in public, Vietnamese dog." He said. Cuong got up and spread the boy's legs and stomped on his groin. "Ma'am, your son does not belong at commemorations parades if he doesn't know how to behave." She said. "I'm sorry, he did this at a Battle of the Somme parade last week, he got banned for life, he said "Where were the Irish soldiers when the rebels got shot?", "Irish soldiers in the British army, traitors, unpatriotic and murderers!" and all sorts of c***, especially when some of the attendees told us to leave." She said. Cuong stopped kicking the boy in the groin. " (Good luck having babies for the rest of your life)" He said. "GO ON HOME YA G**K!" He shouted, Cuong then duct-taped his mouth. The mother then took her son home, Cuong and Jane watched the parade peacefully. Chapter 9: Ruining a beauty pageant with Kim, Moses, and Cuong Kim, Moses and Cuong signed up for a child beauty pageants, first, Kim would be dressed up as a sailor girl, then rips it off to reveal a female Vietnamese Army uniform, then Cuong pole dances without a shirt, with Cherry Pie playing in the background while Moses threw money at Cuong "That girl is with her brother....." A contestant said to her mom. "Now, let's hear it for Kim Cap!" The Annoncer said. Kim got up on the stage with a song playing, My Heart is Over the Ocean, then she goes to the pole with the Vietnamese flag, She looked at the audience to see that Cuong wasn't there, she smiled, he must be sneaking to the stage. Then she ripped the dress off, revealing a female Vietnamese Army uniform, then Cuong ran on stage shirtless to the pole, then Cherry Pie by Warrant started playing in the background, and started pole dancing Contestants and their mothers looked horrified, one of them even covered their daughter's eyes Kim performed a military-style march, with her shirtless great-uncle behind her, then Moses sneaked on stage and flicked money at him. A woman looked amazed. "He's a babe....." She said, staring at Cuong. Even though participants looked horrified, the women looked impressed, distracted by the pole dancing, Then he got off the pole, and finger wagged at the audience. The final part was when Moses threw water on Cuong. Then the three bowed and left the stage. Then ran outside where the child paegent was held to the limo, the three laughed hysterically "Oh my f***ing god man, when did you learn to pole-dance!" Moses laughed. " (I had female citizens when I was alive to get me to pole-dance on a platform)" Cuong snickered. "You must of been that attractive to do something like that." Moses said. " (Yeah, and some US soldiers thought I would be pretty skinny, they were dead wrong)" He said. Chapter 10: Cuong vs. Soccermom at Beach Cuong and Jane decided to go to the beach, Jane wore a green one piece swimsuit and Cuong wore blue swimming trunks. Their towels had their country's flags on them, Vietnam and Ireland. " (I had many Vietnamese ghost women say that I looked more like a movie star than a Vietnamese Communist)" Cuong said to Jane. "You actually do, you have probably could've been a movie star." Jane said. Cuong's appearance made him look like a movie star, his messy black hair underneath his nón lá, his olive yet pale skin, his slim yet muscular build were generally perfect for any Asian film role. An overweight woman with a 13-year old overweight girl, and three other children approached the two. "You are ruining my daughter's health and you are a threat to her!" She shouted at Cuong. "I am not doing anything." Cuong replied back. "You are going to seduce her and turn her into a sex-crazed sl**!" She said. Cuong got up. "D*** that b**** is ugly!" Cuong said, referring to the daughter. "He means she looks like a man in a swimsuit." Jane said. The girl was obese, Cuong was slender but muscular and pretty sexy, Jane was a slender woman, that she could crush both because of her weight. "I'm like what, 20 years old?" Cuong said. Chapter 11: Funny Urban Dictionary entries with Cuong and Jane. Jane and Cuong were on the computer, Jane searched up Soccermom. "The most despicable species known to humankind." She said. Cuong smirked at little. The entry caused him to smile and when she finished, she moved on to Fred Phelps. "Next, Fred Phelps." Jane said. Chapter 12: Attack of Weeaboos. Cuong and Jane went to an anime convention, Jane was dressed up in Survey Corps gear while Cuong was dressed up as Levi from Attack on Titan. Lots of female Attack on Titan cosplayers, especially Levi fans wanted their picture taken with the Vietnamese cosplayer. "Wow, look at the many women that took photos with you." Jane said to Cuong, amazed. "Yeah, who knew?" Cuong said Jane got a couple things from the convention, she got a plush toy of Levi, an Irish flag pillow for her and a Vietnam one for Cuong, When Cuong and Jane were walking to a Irish food stand, It's been a little while since he had any and asked Jane, they walked towards it until they heard. "LEVI-KUUUUUUUUUUN!" A woman's voice squealed. Cuong had no time to turn around and he was glomped, hard. "Konnichiwia, I'm Miya-chan, desudesudesu." She shouted, getting spit over his face. "Is----that--------Japanese? I'm Viet---Viet----Vietnamese." He said and coughed. He tried kicking her, but to no avail, this girl was obese, He was on the slender side but was physically fit and muscular underneath, mostly unseen through his type of clothing, which was very baggy and wasn't very tight. "You are hurting....." He said before wheezing and gagging. This girl was sitting on his full bladder, his abdomen and chest while looking at him up close. Cuong was trying not to speak Vietnamese, but let it out. " (Get off me you fat b****!)" Cuong shouted in his native tongue. "Iie!" She said, being stubborn. " (I need to pee, get off me!)" Cuong yelled at her) He crossed his legs in a bid to not to embarrass himself in full view. So, he punched her in the face and scurried off to the nearest men's bathroom. Chapter 13: 7 Minutes in Heaven: Jane X Cuong edition The ghosts played a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven, with some of the boys on one side and some of the girls on the other near a storeroom with nothing in it. Then they spinner their bottles, it landed on Cuong and Jane. The two got into the room, they was nothing but a bed, Jane unbuttoned Cuong's undershirt, then yanked it off him, She had to admit, he was hot, she couldn't help but stare, he wasn't macho, but was very petite, he was 5'6 tall, and he could of looked like he could have been a movie star, his flawless complexion, his slim yet muscular build, which was often unseen due to his baggy clothes and his refusal to wear anything too tight. "Heh, sexy as ever." She muttered under her breath, Cuong took off her shirt, revealing her linen bra. "That's far as we will go." Cuong said. "Okay, we cannot have sex here, I am honestly to god sick of trying to clean up seminal fluids and getting rid of stained clothing." Jane said. "Kiss on bed?" Cuong said "Sure." Jane said. Cuong and Jane got on the bed and kissed really affectionately. Jane then moved her hand towards the Vietnamese man's sides. "Ack! Hey!" He said. "Oooh, ticklish there?" She said. She continued to tickle the male's sides, causing him to burst into a fit of laughter. 'He's so cute when he is vulnerable.' She thought in her head. "S-S-Stop!" He said. He started to speak in a mix of Vietnamese and English while laughing uncontrollably. She stopped, then started to trace around his abdomen using her finger, unlike the last part, it wasn't ticklish, but sexually arousing, he moaned. Then Cuong leaned and kissed her. Chapter 14: Time for vaccines It was time for the Vietnamese female vigintuplets to be vaccinated for HPV. "Cuong, can you do it?, I am not well." Marci asked Cuong. Cuong nodded, he watched the girls put on their bags, then he walked outside to the nearest clinic. "Is vaccines good?" Kim asked Cuong. "Yeah, they sure are." Cuong replied back. When they got there, a woman and a man stopped them dead in their tracks. "What are you doing?" She yelled at the Vietnamese man. "Getting them vaccinated for HPV." Cuong said "I hope they get autism!" The man said. Cuong looked deeply offended, he knew of the New Zealand vigintuplets having Asperger's syndrome. "They don't cause autism, Believe me, I got vaccinated many times, it is important to human life." Kim said. "They do, Anti-vaxxers speak the truth! They even cause shaken baby syndrome!" The man said. Cuong burst out laughing, which started out as a small grin, then a smile crept upon, and started laughing hysterically. "How? How? HAHAHAHA!" Cuong said between laughs. 5 minutes later, he regained his composure, passerbys looked confused at the young man laughing at an anti-vaxxer. "It's caused by child abuse." Cuong said to the anti-vaxxer male, with a casual smile. Chapter 15: Tantruming kid in supermarket. Cuong, Kim, and Bao went shopping in the supermarket. "Can I have this uncle?" Kim said as she picked up a Barbie. Cuong leaned down, then looked at the price on it. " (I do not have enough money, we will get it another time)" He said, them Kim happily nodded then hugged great-uncle. "Thank you, uncle!" Kim said. Even if Kim wasn't able to get something she wanted, she would still wait patiently until they went to the supermarket again, that's what made her Cuong's favorite. Then they heard screams and shouts of "I WANT CANDY!" and objects being smashed, Cuong and the two children, with Kim on his shoulders turned around to look at a child around 8 throwing a temper tantrum, with a distraught woman. "I HATE YOU! I WANT CANDY! CANDY! CANDY!" He shouted, Cuong went up the mother. "I don't know what to do...." She sobbed. Cuong couldn't help but sympathise, he didn't really like tantruming kids, but depending on the parent, he would sympathise with her or him. "Did you ever try beating him?" He asked in English, then took off his belt, then handed it to her, then he mimicked a whipping movement, then the woman did the same with the belt. Then the child stopped his tantrum, then his mother then got him still and belted him, much to the amusement of Cuong and other people watching. And Cuong saw a woman walk towards him. "Wow, I've never seen a young man help a woman in need." She said, "My name's Kitzi, I'm from Austria." She crouched down towards Bao and Kim. "Hi there, cuties." She said as she extended her hand towards Bao. "Nah." He said. "Remind me that Scotty and Aayli does the shopping." Kim said to Cuong. Chapter 16: Out Shopping with Scotty and Aayliah Aayliah absolutely loved having Scotty as her dad, it was also coming up to Remembrance Sunday, Scotty wore a poppy lapel pin on his shirt while Aayliah wore a poppy-patterened hijab, she also carried Aamina with her. They went on the subway, and Scotty decided to adopt the girl and was now her legal guardian. " (Scot, why do you wear poppies in November?)" She asked him. "Darling, in WWI, poppies were the first flowers that grew after WWI, and to this day, it is used to commemorate WWI British war dead, they were lots of Scots, Irish, Welsh, and Englishmen in the British Army." He said. " (Can people be British and Muslim?)" She asked. "Oh, yes, they can! When you become a citizen of Britain, you are a British Muslim, but look, you need to respect the wishes of non-Muslims too, they may not like the way Islam works." He said. After shopping, Scotty met up with Arthur to sell poppies, Aayliah joined them too. Aayliah often took the money case and the poppy case off Scotty and Arthur and ran to people who wished to donate while Arthur held Aamina. After recieving about £5.00 in donation, she rushed back to Arthur and Scotty. A man wearing a Britain First jacket went up to them. ”Is this Muslim girl with you?” He asked, Aayliah hid behind Scotty and he put a hand on her head. ”Yeah, She‘s my daughter.” Scotty said. She held Aamina tightly. ” (Papa......)” She said. ”You’re upsetting her, if you are not going to donate, I suggest you leave.” Arthur said, ”Why adopt a daughter of pedophiles and rapists?!, Her dad probably forced her to marry, how old is this girl? 10?!” He yelled. Scotty went and punched him, catching the attention of other poppy sellers. ”Bidh thu a 'fàgail mo nighean leotha fhèin! Lègion Rìoghail Bhreatainn ag innse do dhaoine gun a bhith a 'ceannach crom-lusan bho thu! (You leave my daughter alone! The Royal British Legion tells people not to buy poppies from you!)” Scotty yelled in Scots Gaelic. The man then snatched Aamina off Aayliah and she ran, jumping to get it off the man’s hands, but she was too short and he then forced her to hold a British flag and a Bible. ”Also, teach that daughter of yours some fucking English!” The man argued, a female poppy seller approached him. ”Fuck you! English is not even my first language, I still can barely write in the fucking language, You are as bad as an Islamic extremist! Now give my daughter back her fucking doll!” Scotty yelled at him back. The female poppy seller then looked at a terrified Muslim girl in a poppy hijab trying to get a stuffed doll off a man’s arms, ”Sir, please give that girl back her doll, I cannot have you harrassing Muslim poppy sellers.” She said. ”Then why won’t her father teach her that her religion was full of pedophiles? I bet her doll teaches her that child rape is acceptable!” He retorted. ”My daughter’s biological dad forced her to marry a pedophile! She fucking hates them!” Scotty yelled, then smacked the guy, knocking Aamina out of his grasp and the female poppy seller, who was at least sixty then handed it back to her. ”Here you go, sweetheart.” She said. ”Th-th-th.....” Aayliah said, trying to make a full English sentence. ”Hm?” She said, kneeling down to rhe girl’s height. ”Thank you.” She said. It was her first English words, Scotty looked in suprise, while Arthur hugged her. Chapter 17: St. Patrick's Day. Cuong and Jane went to the St. Patrick's Day parade, unlike most of the attendees, Cuong wore an ao gam, Vietnamese clothing consisting of trousers and a tunic for men that was green and gold and Jane wore a Celtic dress that was green with gold accents. "Isn't this nice, Cuong?" She said in her Irish brogue, which Cuong found sweet and charming Jane preferred her Irish heritage and the actual history, over leprechauns, that claimed to be lucky, even though Ireland's history was extremely violent and she refused to associate them with Ireland. "Want to get something to drink?" She asked. "Yeah." He said. She and Cuong went over to the drink stand, Jane just had apple cider, which was non-alcoholic and Cuong had the same. A man in a Celtic Football shirt approached them. "What the f*** are you wearing?!" He angrily shouted at her. "It's a Celt dress, Irish people are descended from the Celts, which was a warrior tribe, the women wore nice dresses like this one, my boyfriend thinks I look so pretty." She said. "There's leprechauns here, no stupid history stuff!" He shouted. "I do not associate them with Irish luck, my country's been through horrible s*** that you would never do in present day, I prefer the Easter Rising and Ireland's culture to leprechauns." She said. Jane had no traits of a stereotypical Irish, she did not wears green hats with belts everyday, had no red hair, she had dark brown hair, didn't wear green everyday, she didn't drink alcohol and refused, and she was strong-willed, but not to the point she would fight with other people. "Do you support the PIRA's goal in a 32-county republic?" He said. "No, they killed people, in disgusting ways, people died, young and the old, I heard of one where they stopped a minivan, they told everyone to get out and say their religion, they let the Catholic one go, but the Protestant ones were shot, only one survived, can you explain that?" She said. "For what? A 32-county republic, free of filthy inbred H*ns, and glory to the dead generations, Pearse and Connolly would be so pro---" He said before he was cut off by Jane. "No, they wouldn't, Pat was part-English, and MacDonagh was quarter-English, James Connolly grew up in Scotland, Tom Clarke was British-born, Plunkett might of been of Norman descent, not too sure, and if they were ever brought back to live and saw what those b*****ds were doing, they would try to kill themselves again, they would of been horrified and disgusted at what republican and nationalist was allowed to evolve into to, those Provos killed more people than those seven men combined into one, unlike the Provos, the death toll caused the rebels to stop the rising and surrender after they realised what they have done, but when the death toll of the civilians reached that number, 260 civilian deaths, did they stop?! NO! THEY KEPT GOING!" She said quietly before shouting at the man. Chapter 18: Hinolair and Jane. Jane sat quietly, reading about the 1916 Rising, which was a very important part in her country's history. Chapter 19: Eating Live Rats Even though Cuong was a ghost, he developed a taste for live rodents. Marci walked into him swallowing a small mouse about the size of her hand. "Mani.....Cuong, why?" She said, shocked. Cuong then swallowed the mouse and went up to speak. "Times were tough in Vietnam in 1960's, I was hungry." He said. "And?" She said. "I ate live rodents to sustain myself, I once ate 10 and for a few days, despite how stomach acid was, six were still alive" He replied back. "How many did you eat?" She asked. "5 and now my stomach hurts like h***." He said Chapter 20: Cat Language Barrier Cuong just got a cat, that he named Hoa, which is Blossom in his native language. A week later, he left the cat with Dennis. "Me and Kim and Bao are going shopping, cat food is in the kitchen." He said. The three left, Hoa walked around the room. "Hi." Gardenia said, but Hoa didn't understand her. "Go get Huy, I think Hoa might be deaf." Dennis said. Gardenia then got Huy, who was doing his science project. "Huy, I think Hoa might be deaf, she doesn't understand me." Gardenia said. "I'll go take a look." Huy said Dennis then noticed Hoa walking to his computer and climbed on it. "HOA! get down from there!" He shouted. She didn't listen, Huy then came down with Gardenia. " (Hoa, get down)" He said. Hoa done what she was asked and went over to him. "Hmmmm...She only understands Vietnamese commands, but why not English?, Cuong must of been using his native tounge while training her, I'll ask him when they get home." He said. "You mean to tell me that f***ing cat only understands f***ing Vietnamese commands?!" Dennis said "Yes." Huy said. "Godd***it Cuong!" Dennis shouted. Since Cuong's main language was Vietnamese and he speaks it mostly than English, which he knows a medium amount of words, He might of spoken in the language while training the cat. Chapter 21: Communist Prank Call The three communists, as they were called, Cuong, Arkadi and Sha-min sat on a couch, huddled with a telephone. Cuong dialled a bartender's number. "The Crab's Tavern, this is Mark speaking...." The bartender said over the phone. The other two tried to hold back their giggles. "I am looking for my friend, Mr. Gleebitz, first name Dan." Cuong said. "Okay, I hear you.....DAN GLEEBITZ! CAN ANYONE SHOW ME DANGLY BITS?!" He asked then shouted, A man stood up and flashed his genitals. "Here's dangly bits!" He said. "IF I EVER FIND OUT WHO YOU PEOPLE ARE! I AM GOING TO CUT YOUR BELLY OPEN!" He shouted The three were laughing hysterically. Cuong's laugh was very boyish but cute. Then they prank called another bartender. "Hey, I'm looking for a Mr. Jass, first name Hugh." Arkadi said with a grin, "Okay, okay, Hugh Jass! Hugh Jass!" The bartender shouted. The three men heard laughter over the phone. Then all three started to laugh hysterically. Chapter 22: Trashed Hotel. Jane, Cuong, and Arthur went shopping in Belfast. Arthur was fascinated with the Easter Rising, he had his photo taken near the Connolly statue in Falls Road, "My god, Artie, will you just smile?" She asked, holding the camera. Arthur gave a smile, then Jane took the photo. "What are you doing with an Englishman!" A woman yelled. A woman wearing a Saoradh badge went up to the three. "You're Irish, his people are the enemy!" She said. "Ma'am, I've been teaching him about Ireland, he loves it." Jane replied back. "Well, I know what Britain did, but, on positive note, I learn about the 1916 Rising and I enjoy it!" Arthur said. "He doesn't belong here, Those English come to our country, harass our activists, kill civilians and they imprison our republicans." She said. "F*** off, b****." Arthur said in a polite tone. A woman came up to the group. "Do you know this man?" She asked. "No." The Saoradh activist replied. "Then why are you harassing this man?" She asked. "He's a Brit, An enemy of Ireland, he even sounds like a British soldier!" She hissed "You are a hypocrite, you say the police questioning you is harrassment, and you are harrassing me because of my race." Arthur said. They managed to distract the woman then get out of there. After a few hours, they returned to the hotel. When they went to their room, the entire room was trashed, there was portraits of children killed by the Army during the Troubles, and words in red lettering "GO BACK TO ENGLAND YOU CHILD KILLER, I.R.A.". "Holy s***." Cuong said. "This is how dissidents treat Arthur, they hate him." Jane said. A 1916 reeanactment group saw the vandalised hotel room, a female in an Irish Volunteers uniform approached. "That is awful, Saoradh is blamimg today's English people, I hate them." She said. "The fact these kids were killed by the British does not make them any different than kids killed by the IRA, both equally suffered horribly." A male said. Hotel staff were alerted. A male actor helped clean up the hotel. Arthur sat anxiously on the floor. "I've seen a few Easter Rising books, are you fascinated with the subject?" A female comforting him asked. "Yes, the fact I commerorated it with Jane does not make me any better than any other Englishmen and Englishwomen." Arthur said. "Look, you wanna wear poppies, go right on ahead, I had poppies at my wedding." She said. Then he saw something shocking, a male who was reenacting as Patrick Pearse telling off the vandals. It was a familiar face, the woman that pestered him and a man. "WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?! WHY DO YOU TREAT THIS MAN LIKE HE HAS BEEN FIRING PLASTIC BULLETS AT CHILDREN?! HE WASN'T PROBABLY BORN BACK THEN! WHY THE F*** DO YOU THINK IT'S RIGHT?!" He yelled. He smacked the male vandal in the face. A guy that was reenacting as Joseph Plunkett went up to Arthur. "I'm sorry about your hotel room, I'll pay for it." He said. "Thank you." He replied back The actor reeanacting as Clarke sat next to him. "I am so sorry, You didn't kill Julie Livingstone or Carol Ann Kelly." He said. "That group supports people that killed innocent people, like the time the group bombed a Rememberance Day Parade." Arthur replied. Chapter 23: Rafael and Alda Rafael was in the room. He heard a knock. "Hola? (Hello?)" He said. Alda came into the room.Category:Fanfics Category:Humor Fanfics Category:Fanfics by Japanlover86